As we know, I’ve been hurt a lot in the past when it comes to relationships so being able to trust again and being able to value myself and consider myself good enough for someone becomes quite a challenge. I never see myself as the kind of girl guys want, I look through social media and see all these beautiful girls and spend hours comparing myself to them making my confidence shrink to nearly non existent. Recently I’ve been trying to get back out in the world of dating and I met someone I really like and get along with, this sends my brain into meltdown and i panic because I feel like I could never be enough for someone so amazing, and even though he makes me feel so incredible and actually beautiful I refuse to believe that someone could ever possibly like me because I fear that I have so little to offer compared to everyone else around me. Not a day goes past where I’m not scared of the possibility that he might just go because he sees what I see in myself and realises that I’m not that great, it’s such a sad thought but it’s now cemented in my brain that no matter what I’ll never be enough for anyone and the idea that I could be to someone is the most beautiful and scary thing to me.
Im so scared of heartbreak and I always have my walls up so high due to the fear of letting someone in, causing destruction, then leaving and I’m on my own scrambling around trying to put the pieces back together again but at the same time I want nothing more than to be someone’s to share my story and create better memories but it’s just being brave enough to close your eyes and just take the leap.
Excepting and loving yourself is one of the hardest things to do, you see the parts of you that you’re not comfortable with everyday so learning to love it is very difficult especially with the pictures we see printed all over the internet of these perfect girls with their perfect hair and bodies but we only see the pictures, not the reality. I know for a fact everyone has days were they feel insecure, anxious and not good enough but they just never project those days so we never see them causing us to believe they don’t exist. At the end of the day we are all humans we all experience the same emotions, maybe some people feel them less and some a lot more but just because we don’t witness it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
I have come such a long way with being able to love and except myself, I used to spend hours looking at myself in the mirror in disgust of what I could see and just spending my time hurling abuse at myself because I didn’t look like everyone else but now that’s one thing I do value, i like the fact that my features are unique and I don’t blend in. I now deal and embrace my acne and try find a solution instead of finding it disgusting I now know it’s just apart of life and one day it’ll all be gone. I used to straighten my hair every day to fit in with everyone else at school but I love my blonde fluffball/birds nest I call hair and I know others like it to.
Some days will be harder than others but no matter what if it’s a bad hair, skin or brain day you’re so unbelievably beautiful and your mind, heart and soul are so bright and florescent they make those “imperfections” disappear.