(This is no editing me just word vomiting my thoughts to you and a low Sunday morning, it might seem like complete nonsense as I’m trying not to look at it but if it does make any kind of sense then I hope you enjoy)
I feel like most people will agree with me wen I say that as humans we love being used, we absolutely hate it but when ever the opportunity comes we take it we all know it’s happening but we never stop it before it’s too late. We all crave the feeling of feeling wanted and needed by someone that we don’t even care about our own hearts.
I’ve said before that I am a massive hopeless romantic and honestly I really wish I wasn’t because I feel like it just causes me more heart break and disappointment, I always trick myself into thinking that there will be a turn around and we’ll live happily ever after but that never happens.
I have been used for many different ways throughout my life emotionally and physically and I think I’ve realised that my body just loves being used because it is that feeling of being needed that I cave so much I’ve always just wanted to be someone’s and having that small glimpse of hope that they might feeling the same for me makes my heart sing! But then suddenly all this excitement fades away and your constantly anxious and doubting yourself as to why you’re not enough and then suddenly they just go without a word and you’re back to being nothing.
I said in a blog post before that I am in love with someone I probably shouldn’t be in love with and I would happily do anything for this person (dangerous I know) i have loved him ever since I met him and I’ve been hopeless ever since he that one person who can make me feel like I’m walking on clouds one minute and then like nothing the next and I know he doesn’t mean to but it does sting from time to time, I am honestly so scared of being nothing again to the one person that makes me feel like something but at the same time when should you let go? Because I’m not ready but I feel like I should be, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
Even though I’ve mentioned him now it does not mean this whole blog post is about him it’s just thoughts that have been building up in my mind and he just happens to be there to.
I’m sorry that this is just a ramble sometimes you’ve just got to write what you’re feeling in order to let it out, let it go and move on.