Depression that one thing everyone avoids talking about but on average 1 out of 6 of us have it. Your mental health is so important and I don’t think it’s taken seriously and it scares me. Mental illness isn’t talked about enough or acknowledged as it is something that no one can see but is always surrounding and drowning the person and on the outside they can look completely fine.
When I was 16 I had depression and I can’t even begin to describe how horrific it really is and no one really spoke to me about it at my school or home so I felt like I didn’t really have anyone to reach out to, I didn’t have many friends in school I never seemed to really fit in with any friendship groups so would often jump from group to group meaning most of the time I didn’t have very close friends that I could talk to either and frankly I was too embarrassed to talk about anything that intimate because i didn’t know how and to me it didn’t ever seem to happen with to anyone else, I was incredibly wrong. I started isolating myself even more than what I already was, I stopped going out and wouldn’t talk to anyone and began to push everyone away, I stopped eating and wouldn’t even leave my bedroom most of the time which must have been startling for my parents as I was always such a happy bubbly child and suddenly i would refuse to leave my room, most people would call that the “teenage phase” because I was moody and didn’t want to talk to anyone but it was so much more than just hormones running riot, I desperately wanted to talk to someone but I didn’t have the strength to and just didn’t know how or who I could go to, I felt ashamed of myself and ashamed of my thoughts and I didn’t want anyone else to know the messed up truth that I was trying to hide. It got to the point where back in March 2016 I wanted to end my life and I told a friend of mine and luckily she told a teacher and I started counselling as soon as I was confronted I was at first terrified but once I could finally talk about everything I had been bottling up for almost a year I felt this giant weight lifted off my shoulders and I started slowly becoming myself again.
There are people who want to help you in your life you have a support system around you even if you can’t see it, your family will always support you and look out for you, you friends are probably the easiest to tell at first because if you’re like me you’re more comfortable talking to your friends about slightly more personal stuff than your parents and relatives you dont even have to say it if that’s what you’re struggling with you can write it all down on paper all your thoughts and feelings and then when you’re ready then you can share it with your loved ones either by reading out to them or just letting them read it themselves, the one thing you’ve got to know is that they won’t be disappointed in you! They love you and just want what’s best for you! Going to your doctors or calling a helpline is the best thing for you to do, it’ll probably be the hardest so if you need someone with you to the doctors then bring them! It’s a doctors job to make sure you’re ok so they’re only trying to help even though I myself was too scared to go to the doctors for a very long time as that was to me admitting that I did have a serious problem that I was trying so hard to compress and ignore it slowly took over me, I regret not going to the doctors sooner because my depression sparked off a lot of personal issues and struggles that I’m still challenging today, like I said previously I was always an outgoing bubbly child but now I highly struggle with anxieties and paranoia that I have to deal with every single day, some days are easier than others but it’s still always there and it stops me from doing things and living my life and I hate it.
Starting from March I am making a conscious decision to start going to a counsellor again at least once a week for as long as I think I need it, I think everyone can benefit from counselling but it’s just finding the courage to actually make the appointment and go. There’s not much I can say that will make things better but I can say that you are so important and you matter to so many people, you are beautiful and talented and ridiculously strong for going through everything you are! This is your life you get to write your own path and tell your own story sometimes you need a shoulder to lean on and that’s okay it’ll make you stronger. I hope that me blabbering on will make you reflect on your personal health wether it’s mental or physical (they both matter equally) and maybe give you a little nudge into telling a friend or getting some help or even if you don’t think you can tell a friend just yet you’re more than welcome to email me, I will listen to your story and I will try as much as I can to support you, give advice and be a virtual hand to hold, I don’t want to see more people do through the torture of a mental illness.
You are stronger than you believe