(I want to just apologise for the lack of structure this post has its kind of all over the place but I didn’t want to not post anything. This week I’ve been really struggling with staying positive which is weird for me as I am a very upbeat person normally but sometimes you’re head just needs some more TLC than normal and that’s okay. Hopefully my posts will be a little better from Saturday onwards!)
People who know me well know that I’m one of the biggest hopeless romantics you can find I constantly strive for that stereotypical Disney love where my love and I will ride of into the sunset on a horse drawn carriage and live happily ever after for the rest of our days.
But having these plans and ambitions in my head tends to set me up for disappointment and failure yet i can’t help myself.
Knowing the difference between love and lust.
Once again people who know me well will know that I can’t handle being on my own my brain convinces me that I can’t function properly if I am not in a relationship and honestly that is so unhealthy and I hate it I completely lost all sense of independence and ended up completely losing myself at some points when I had no one to share my life with. Saying this I believe that I have only been in love once in my life and I doubt that’ll change anytime soon, but I have had lust multiple times and I know when you hear the word lust you’ll probably just think I mean just wanted someone for sex wanting someone’s body and not their soul but to me lust is just the desire of wanted to be in love, striving for love and never quite getting there. Wanting a persons effection so bad that you’ll settle for who that person is as long as they give you a portion or what you want. I find lust is always a forced romance (if any) whereas love is never planned it comes in the most unexpected way, you want that one person and no one else you want everything they are and they inspire everything you do, constantly finding yourself talking or thinking about them and nothing brings you more happiness then their happiness, that’s love.
Loving someone you shouldn’t.
We all have times when we love or like someone we shouldn’t, whether it be an ex, a friend or a complete arsehole sometimes we just can’t help ourselves we love the idea of love but when we have it it’s hard to shake off. I wish I could give advice to how to stop loving someone that you probably shouldn’t but honestly I’m in the same boat. It’s horrible loving someone who you might not be able to have and you’re up most nights questioning how can you feel so much for someone and it not be reciprocated but as soon as you see their name on their phone or their smile all the bad thoughts just seem to fade and the warm fuzzy glow starts to appear then suddenly you’re back to square one. I will say this though if someone won’t make the time for you there is someone better out there, it won’t seem like it now but you deserve the love you give and if you’re love is completely one sided you need to find the courage to find the love you need.
Getting over someone.
Breakups are awful no matter how long you were with someone and if it was love or lust it will still hurt for a while, everyone’s healing time is different and again it’s different for every relationship but you need to remember that you’re not going to stay heartbroken forever, let everything out cry as much as you want, talk to your friends and family about it as much as you need to and slowly everyday will get easier, you’ll cry a little less and your stand a little taller I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason so if someone’s broke your heart just remember in the end you’ll be so much stronger. Sometimes you have to just be strong enough to just let it go and move on with your life it’s way easier said than done I know but there is no point being bitter over something because then you’ll just stay bitter you’ve got to except what has happened put on a smile and just keep moving, breakups won’t break you I promise you this.
I wish I had more of a structure to this but honestly I’m just writing down all my thoughts and hoping for the best. Like I said I am a hopeless romantic teen who’s madly in love with someone and wanted to get it all out (or as much as I can) the guy I’m in love with was a huge part of my life and was my love and my best friend and having to lose both of them was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through whenever I’m sad I want to run straight to him and knowing I can’t is so difficult. I’m still holding on to this tiny bit of hope that one day we’ll go back to the way we were and sometimes (even though it’s extremely hard) you’ve just got to trust yourself and love in the hopes that there is still a chance to save things, sometimes there’s nothing to save but you’ve got to decided yourself what you want to do, be a complete fool and trust love or learn to walk away, only fate knows the outcome, you just guide it.